Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
