Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
