As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
