I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
