I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
