Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
