I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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