i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
