Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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