I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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