Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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