you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
