I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
