I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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