the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
