I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
