I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Randomize