the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
