im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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