went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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