Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
