The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
