You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
