OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
