So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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