we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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