i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
