I need help removing her.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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