woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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