I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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