I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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