Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
