garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
