what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
