I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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