He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
