Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
