honey bunches of taint.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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