I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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