Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
