The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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