Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize