Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
