Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize
