talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
