Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
