I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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