Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
