His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We smell like vodka and hangover
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