i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
