2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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