Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
