My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
