I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
