the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
