I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
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Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
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I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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