if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
