Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
