roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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