after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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