I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
