I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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