Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
