dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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