If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
