well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
