being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
