i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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