you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
