No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
